If your wife is entering into a round of chemo treatments for breast cancer, it can be a bit scary (okay, really scaring) not knowing what to expect. A lot depends on the frequency and strength of the chemo being administered. What I've seen is three basic approaches; one big massive dose once every 3 or 4 weeks, about that same amount spread out once a week over 3 weeks with 1 week off, and chemo treatments every day (an approach I've not experienced.)
There are different philosophies about each approach. The one big dose every three or four weeks follows the theory of hitting the cancer cells with a whopper strong dose, as much as the body can withstand, to knock it down and beat back the cancer. (My descriptions here, probably not how the oncologist would describe it.) The second approach of administering that dose spread out once every week over three weeks, says its better to get chemo to the cancer more frequently, hammering it more often. The daily treatments is about getting as much chemo as possible to the cancer cells every day. Each approach (and others) have their benefits and drawbacks, and has been used in various studies. If there was one right way, doctors would always do it that one way, but there isn't. Your doctor will have a preference based on the current thinking for a breast cancer patient at that stage in the treatment process.
What are the common side effects? Hair loss is most likely one you definitely notice. Some women prefer to shave their heads sooner rather than wait for it to fall out. My son begged my wife to cut it early so he could give her a Mohawk. Others will wear scarves and head bands, and let the hair fall out natural. Wigs are very commonly used and your wife can probably find a local organization who has nice wigs they will donate to women with breast cancer. The doctor's office should have some information.
Men have their vanity issues just like women, and for some women, hair is a really big deal while for others they'd rather get the hair loss over with and cut it off right away. My wife didn't like the scarf look and preferred wearing a wig. It's a personal preference. There are free beauty classes your wife can attend about wigs, makeup during chemo, scarves, etc. so that might be something she'd enjoy checking out. They usually hand out a good number of free products at those things too.
What's it like having a bald headed wife? Kind of cool, I think, in an Ilya from Star Trek The Movie kind of way. My wife enjoy's when I rub her head and give her kisses on her bald head. I guess it's a new way of me showing my affection. If your wife's going to be bald, relish and enjoy it. I think the more conscious you are about her being bald, the more she will be. If you are comfortable with it, it'll help her be comfortable with it too. My wife is beautiful with hair and she's beautiful when she's been bald. And part of when I caress her bald head or kiss her on the head, it's me telling her I love her, baldness and all.
Probably the second biggest side effect is the tiredness. It just wears a person out to be on chemo. There are days we your wife just won't feel like she has a ounce of energy. Try to remember some experience, like when you went camping or fishing all weekend and you couldn't pull yourself off the couch for the rest of the Sunday evening after arriving home. I think it must feel a lot like that, only worse, and it can last for days at a time. If your wife is still working or doing her same activities, think about how hard it must for her to be doing all that while being zapped of energy all the time. It's a pretty heroic thing to do, I think. It will affect each person differently too. Some may not be so tired, or may use work and activities as a way of keeping going so they don't have time to think about being tired.
There can be other side effects too, like mouth sores, itchiness from the
steroids and antibiotics administered along with chemo, etc.. I'd say roll with
the punches with that stuff. It may or may not be a big factor.
Just stay tuned
into what your wife is going through, ask if a pillow, some water, a head rub
would or jumping in the car to go do something would help her feel better. Maybe
just sitting together watching the Olympics or a half hour comedy is in order, a
quiet moment together is what helps her feel better.
Most important, give her a little smooch and say, I love you. Breast cancer has no defense mechanism against that.




This is the post that brought me to BCFH and I am already grateful for having found this space.
It's likely that I'll post more later but I wanted to say out loud that I appreciate this blog already.
Thanks,
Howie
Santa Cruz, CA
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